I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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