K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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