You smell like a Billy Joel song
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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