as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
