we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
