i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
only you would photoshop your dick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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