i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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