Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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