Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
