you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
