then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize