the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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