he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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