What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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