My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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