Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
