i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
