and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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