my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
