i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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