Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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