If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
