i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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