I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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