Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.