I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.