can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter