No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?