I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.