I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
