Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
