I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
