Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
