Jerry, you need to find god
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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