I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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