This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
