fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
