I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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