I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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