you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
and you fell through a lawn chair
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
