Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
