peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you so shy because you have an std?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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