the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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