I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
