every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
