one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
