craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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