I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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