I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
