My friends, they love my intelligence
i will never coherently bang her
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
