Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
