I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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