I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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