That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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