Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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