if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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