I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
