apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
