Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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