the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
