Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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