I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
