Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
