In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was so not down for the gang bang
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
