glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
