Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
