you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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