how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
