i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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