OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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