Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
