Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
