shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
