How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
