I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
