i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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